The original prompt is as follows: “The purpose of this paper is to formalize your interest in the topic that will be the heart of your Senior Thesis (in this case, the ethics of food packaging design). You’ll dig deeply, cast broadly, cite a variety of sources, check the sources of your sources (that’s why it is called ‘re’-search) and use a third-person voice to maintain objectivity. Use the paper to objectively justify the subject you‘ll pursue with your Senior Thesis Project. Consistently use the APA (American Psychological Association) method of citation.
Page goal: 10–12 pages, double-spaced.
Use at least a dozen sources; of these, no more than half should be web sites
(okay to source publications in .pdf form).
Images may be used, but are in addition to page count.
Print out and provide electronic.doc.”
This is the feedback I received once my paper was turned in and graded: “The way you use language creates polarized sentences. You state things like climate change, health, animal ethics in a way that the reader should already know what you are talking about. You treat ideals as facts, but they are not defined as such. Be very aware of your tone as a result. It becomes sensationalist and absolutist and does not lay a strong foundation for argument toward change because how you presented your research is easy to refute.”
I will upload my original paper, but from the comments above it seems that it will need a lot of reworking. I would prefer someone with a background knowledge in marketing/graphic design to help me with this.